But I know you're all so much more hard core than me, so what MUST you see today?
Great news, you're going to be celebrating amazing, hot, too-funny-for-words women.
And you'd better leave now because it kicks off at 4.30!
First stop is Choir Girl at 4.30 at the Melbourne Town Hall. This show keeps selling selling out, so they have an extra show on today. Other performers and their artists passes are especially welcome.
Or, the exquisite Hannah Gadsby also has an extra show of Happiness is a Bedside Table at 4.30. This was hands down the best stand up I saw this festival.
Hannah's honesty is heartbreaking and this show is one of the most positive and uplifting pieces of stand up I've seen. If 4.30 doesn't work for you, her 6.00 show is sold out, but it's always worth trying your luck.
You can have a dinner break now, or, better still, buy a ticket to see someone you've never heard of.
However, at 7.30, you're off to the super gorgeous Tuxedo Cat for Lisa-Skye's Songs My Parents Taught Me.
Lisa-Skye might be sexier than Slutmonster. That's a big call and I don't want to make a choice.
With glitter that celebrates writing degrees, hair colour not found in nature (I felt embarrassed for finally growing my purple out), a retro black lace dress that I want, green tights, blue lippy and an attitude that's more sparklie than the raining glitter, Lisa-Skye's so damn gorgeous, so fucking funny and so delightfully filthy (in the best way possible) that there's no better way to finish off your MICF.
Telling stories about her parents and their friends in the 70s, it's glorious nostalgia for us who remember cheap drugs, driving drunk (and we still thank the universe every day for surviving and not killing anyone) and that the best place for a hetero pick up is a gay night club (at least some things never change).
Lisa's parents told her about inner city Melbourne in the 70s and she finds the parallels with inner city living now, except that we've had to move out a bit, can't afford to buy a house and don't have to wear skinny jeans (unless you want to). With bad advice and stories of her own search for love, lust and the cheapest high, Songs My Parents Taught Me is created and told with so much love that you have to remember that love should always be sparklie, sexy and beautifully dirty.
And, Lisa, give me ten minutes and I can teach to you parallel park.
OR
At 8 pm at The Butterfly Club, there's the just as gorgeous, but slightly less sparklie Karin Danger and her Hot Box.
