What is it Maria you cunt face?

I’ve had a profound moment of self-realisation: It all comes down to cunt.

No, I haven’t metamorphosed into a teenage boy (or a 20-, 30-, 40-, 50-, 60-, 70-, 80- or 90- something straight bloke), or made any definitive jump over the sexual preference fence.

I have comedians to thank. Melbourne is full of comedians this month. Securing a spot in the Melbourne International Comedy Festival is quite simple. You register, pay your fee, book your venue, write your show, get people to come along and make sure you comply with the registration clause that insists you use the word 'cunt' at least once in your act.

There’s a disproportional amount of power in that short word. Having seen some successful  and some utters in the last week, I now know how I really judge people.

It’s quite simple really. No longer do I have to analyse their political opinions, assess their film knowledge, ascertain their favourite Buffy character or test their ability to tell a Barossa semillon from a McLaren Vale wooded chardonnay.

If someone can and does use the word well – I like them. If they use the word offensively, ignorantly or unwisely – I don’t want to share an oakey white with them as we watch progressive teen dramas (or Deadwood).

Reclaiming
In my formative years, I never used "the c word", despite my propensity to embrace expressive language. (Family legend tells that I told my aunt to fuck off when I was two.) However, I disliked anyone who said "that word" or even thought it. That word was as offensive and as poof, fag, dyke or nigger.

In a very few years we have seen words move from heinous to powerful statements to descriptive. You can’t demean someone by calling them the name they call themselves. (I’ve even come around to calling myself a chick.) Certainly, some people still use these words to offend – but I don’t like them.

Insult
Does this reclaiming of cunt mean I’m happy with hearing a man refer to his female companion as, “that bloody cunt”? Of course not.

Calling someone a cunt is still regularly viewed as the most disgusting, vile, horrendous, offensive thing you can name. I don’t think cunts (or cocks) are intrinsically offensive. Calling someone a cock can be friendly ribbing. It’s a bit naughty, but you can always tone it down to dick, knob, prick or, as Hugh Grant so eloquently said in Four Weddings and a Funeral, a total penis.

Some use cunt because of its taboo nature (it is the naughtiest of the naughty words). There are people who call men cunts to ensure they know they are so much worse than mere pricks and call women cunts to remind them how worthless we are.

Others use cunt superbly. They understand that the word can be laced with irony or power and it’s clear that they do indeed admire, respect and love cunts.

I try to be gender specific in my genital based insults. Women are cunts; men are cocks, pricks, dicks, knobs or total penises. Although, now that I think about it, I can’t remember actually calling a woman a cunt. I may have reclaimed it, but it can still cause undue offence. I tend to stick to gender-neutral insults. Poo brain covers most situations and everyone has an arsehole.


Cunts and sex
(If you found this page googling – you’re probably disappointed. You can stop looking for the link to the page with pictures.)

I don’t have a pussy, a fanny, a love mound, a honey pot or sex bits (an ex of mine used that one - at least it was gender neutral). Depending on the context, I have a vagina, a clitoris, a labia (majora and minora) – or a cunt.

“My meerkat would really like to play with your pussy.” There is no male equivalent of pussy. If men talked about their cute little hamster or wanted us to stroke their guinea pig, I’d probably think differently.

There is something about cock and pussy that doesn’t work. One implies power, the other passivity. (And why don’t we have hens or chooks?) Cock and cunt are strong, active (and interactive) words.

I’m not saying we should all be screaming “cunt” in our intimate moments. There isn’t always the need to be that verbally specific. I use it because I don’t like the alternatives (any suggestions are welcome). If you refer to my pussy – I assume that the cat is on the bed. And what type of sicko wants to eat a cat?

I don’t go round throwing “cunt” into conversations willy-nilly, but when the time is right – I no longer blush and say it with pride. If I hear you saying it to cause offence or to degrade - I think you’re a poo brain.