But the TV is on and leather-clad bikies are riding onto the MCG and Meatloaf has opened with "Hot Patootie" from The RH Picture Show.
Grand Final jewellery by ali alexander "Anyone But Collingwood"," Every Cloud Has a Silver Lining" and the Mighty Roos
As Fringe and MIAF artists try to hold that critical mirror up to our society, there is no better reflection than Melbourne's AFL Grand Final. (I don't care about the rugby.)
It's sold out in minutes and watched by millions. The result will divide families and friends. Strangers will fight or kiss on the streets. Virginities will be lost as teenagers discover the thrill of being on the winning side, or the consolation of being runner up. Children will be conceived and a child will have to grow up with the name Malthouse (which has nothing to do with the theatre company or venue).
Meanwhile, no one is writing offended letters to the council questioning why an old American is chosen as the cultural representative of the day or why he opens with a song from a musical about a transvestite.
And now the MSO (Melbourne Symphony Orchestra) Chorus are singing the team anthems.
Today, the poshest and artiest of us leap off our lofty towers to freely appropriate the stories of one of these once working-class teams and become punters instead of audience.
Love or loathe sport, the Grand Final evokes mass passion in ways that theatre can only dream of.
The characters are flawed, the stakes couldn't be higher, the ending is unknown and there's nothing gay about good-looking men hugging each other.
They're about to toss the coin...
We can care about art again tonight.
2010 Saints V Pies